Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
