there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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