i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
