its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
