Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
