And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
