hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize