im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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