Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
