she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
