im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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