It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
