The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize