literally had 100 drinks last night.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
