sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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