Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
