$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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