I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
