I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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