I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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