she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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