U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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