Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
