he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
