I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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