I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
