Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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