its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
