I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize