I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
