he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
