You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
