i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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