i love accidental penises.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
