dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
