He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you never un-have a 4some
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
