I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
