you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
