...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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