Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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