Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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