After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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