The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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