I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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