Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
