The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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