Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
two words...techno handjob
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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