he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
