yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize