So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
