so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You smell like stripper and shame
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
