you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
