i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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