my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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