Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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