if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
