dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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