i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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