he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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