haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
