We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
