she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
