he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
