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Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
