I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
