tell your sister to shave her snatch
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
