PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
