I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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