Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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