And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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