I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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